juz a quick one

i'm really bored.. nt becuz i hav nothing to do.. it's bcoz i hav lots of things to do.. weirdo huh? i duno why.. i dun hav dat urge to finish the work.. u can say dat i'm a procrastinator.. i keep on talking to myself.. nt bcoz i'm crazy.. i mean.. i encourage myself.. i talk to myself so dat i can change.. i urge myself.. i praise myself when i did sth gd.. bt.. dat's juz nt enough.. i duno why.. it'll juz b a while.. then i'll go back to my ownself again.. i hav lots of frens.. bt honestly speaking.. those who really knw me well, only a few.. five fingers are enough to count.. i hav this very gd fren.. i call him my psychologist.. why? u shld knw wad a psychologist is, rite? wad they do n stuffs.. he is juz like one for me.. though we're miles apart.. bt i dun think it is a problem to our frenship.. we talk to each other almost every nite.. he understands wad i;m goin thru.. i'm very relieved about dat.. he went thru lots of things.. much more than wad i hav went thru.. though he's only older than me by a yr, bt he has alrd went thru a lot.. coz of the environment, i think.. bt he's tough.. dat's why i said he's my psychologist..

tomoro schl start.. actually it started a week ago.. bt i was under LOA.. lots of things waitin for me to face n solve.. mybe aft wad hav happened had made me lose courage in wadeva way.. bt luckily, he's there.. dun b mistaken.. he's nt my bf.. we're only very close.. dat's all.. it may b a crap for u.. bt who cares? i dun care.. n.. who said dat we cant hav bestfren of opp sex? i hav one.. n i'm very proud if it.. lots of things waitin for me.. i know.. i know this path will b very long n tiring.. i knw i will b very weary.. i knw i may wana giv up half way.. i knw it's gona b tough.. i knw it's gona b stressful.. bt.. as long as.. i believe in myself.. i believe in him.. i believe in everything i do.. i knw i can cope with it..

all those things dat has happened had alrd happened.. juz take it as experiences.. no matter it's a gd one or bad one.. if it's a gd one, then take it as a gd memories to b remembered.. if it's a bad one, juz take it as a learning experience.. as long as i always remember, i'm considered lucky.. nothing is impossible.. let's 4gt e past.. n start a new.. start a fresh..

i really envy some parents who are very understanding of their children.. nt dat my parents are nt understanding.. no.. they are.. bt.. some parents, if their child is retain in schl, meaning cannot go to e next level, they r understanding enough to juz let it go.. although very few parents do dat.. bt at least there are some like dat.. as for my parent's case, they are understanding.. even if u gt a bad result, as long as u still can cope, u can make it to e next level, they're ok.. even if u're nt a top student.. as long as u make it to another level.. they are hepi.. bt they dun allow any retains.. once u're retained, means u hav failed.. as simple as dat.. n bcoz of dat, i hav neva been retained be4.. bt also bcoz of dat, i hav neva been a top student in my schl..

gotta go... need to do hw.. bye..

magnet to problems

yeah.. i'm like a magnet to problems.. i wanted to juz 4get about the existence of my blog..
bt.. i somehow need it to pour all my emotions in..
notice dat i didnt post for 2 mnths.. i wanted to..
a lot.. i wanted to juz pour all my emotions in.. lot of things happened..

i went to the temple.. pray.. n then.. i draw a lot..
how do i draw?? i juz shake the sticks in the container n see which one came out 1st, then akd the god whether dat's really e slot, if it is, then it is..
if it's not, u hav to shake it again..
so i gt this slot 37. i went to check the book n read about it..
interpretation: bad
wun explain much of it.. then my mum went to buy sime stuffs near the temple..
i found a place to sit down.. then an old lady sat beside me said this "did u come to pray?"
i say yes.. then she carries on by asking whether i had drawn a slot.. of corz i said yes..
then she askd me wad slot number and i told her.. she explain more to e detailed..
relly very amazing.. it matches my problems so much!!
then she askd me when was i born.. n i told her e detail.. she said all these will end on june..
aft june everything will b fine.. let's hope so.. i really hope it is gona b true..
i really had faced a lot during e first half of e year.. i wun b able to cope with it if my other half of e yr is gona b tough again..
juz let me hav a peaceful mind n prepare for my o lvl ba..
let's start a fresh!!

-blessed me-

so long neva post anything at all..

yeah.. tell u a secret.. i did open my blog..
bt i juz didnt update.. dun feel like updating..
coz.. too many things are happening now..


made my mood change here n ther.. nt mood swing, of course..
it changed in a daily basis.. nt in a day change a lot of times..
yeah.. there was this time.. when my feeling is exactly like my prev post..
e one dat i said i broken down.. this time round worse..
i cried in e class.. make many of my frens know dat i was crying..
luckily though, dat was during a math lesson.. at least nt e whole class was there..


so.. yeah..


n then there was this time.. when i feel like juz end everything..
seriously.. juz end everything.. bt.. in e end.. sb come n counsel me..
who are in e same plight as me.. she felt wad i felt.. n experienced wad i experienced..
thnx to her.. i felt so much relieved.. dat e thought of ending evrything is gone..
now u know how serious my condition was??
hell yeah.. i think..


there was this time.. when i wana juz escape from everything.. including schl..
dun feel like goin to schl.. juz feel like skiping it.. had a gd rest..
bt i cant afford to do dat.. i'll miss a lot of things if i absent even juz 4 1 day..


n so.. i face another problem recently..
cant tell u wad.. coz.. i'm keeping it from my another frens..
nt mei, of corz.. sb else.. can juz tell u dat..
she misunderstands me.. dat's all..



u tell me how.. tell me wad to do.. i'm really facing lots of stuffs during this whole month..
tell me wad to do..

really duno

starting of e day was ok.. during MT class everything was per normal..
maybe bcoz i was surrounded by lots of laughter..
this yr's MT class is e best MT clas..
although sometimes it's boring, bt bcoz of e sec 5, everything seemed so interesting..
it didnt make me thing of other things else..

e problem started since ystrdy..
yeah.. had some private matters..
anyway, i was tired.. n get angry n irritated very easily..
yeah.. dat's e main thing..
aft MT class, everything seemed so different..
had history lesson.. mrs. peh didnt come.. so havin free period..
did homework.. then. recess..
did eat.. bt also thinking.. was quiet all e time...
mei commented "u're weird 2dae. juz like wad happened to vivi last time round"
sorry mei, to have made u guys worried..
yeah.. really.. i know.. aft dat.. i knw i cant hold it anymore..
i dun wana cry in front of them..
i told them i'm goin upstairs to e hall 1st..
vivian came along.. accompanying me..
goin up e stairs, vivian asked wad happened.. n threaten me to say..
i really cant hold it any longer..
i manage 2 say 4 words before i burst into tears..
dat is "i want to cry"
didnt go into e hall yet.. how to go in when i'm in tears??
cried for a while outside e hall..
luckily nobody noticed..
bell rang..
hurriedly wipe my tears.. n go in..
sitting down, do lots of thinking..
then..
cry again..
bt i didnt let my tears rolled down..
i juz sat down.. staring onto e floor..
can feel that my eyes were wet..
n became blur..
bt still.. e tears managed to go back in..
yeah..
aft dat.. when we all goin back to classroom..
to my surprised, sb called me..
familiar yet felt so strange..
yeah.. the voice of my kor.. lol..
duno whether bcoz i was feeling so down dat his voice seemed so differrent or wad..
sorry kor.. didnt really reply u..
i was really very down..
when walk up e stairs, suddenly think of all my frens
who will b worrying about me..
i cried again.. of corz, again, without their notice..

e math class was very attentive.. bt..
i really hav no mood.. come in left, go out by right ear..

chemistry class even worse..
sorry cher..
i couldnt concentrate at all..
rather u went thru my gifted programme booklet..

fnn lesson was stil ok..
went into comp lab..
didnt think too much.. although there were cases where i thought of it.. bt nt so much..

eng lesson, mrs.tay didnt come again..
she isnt feeling well..
we are taken by mrs. eng again..

aft schl went to eat at subway..
aft dat went home.. nt my new house..
currently staying in vivian's place 4 some reasons..
she said wana go check up.. in e end, went to thomson..
reached there, e personnel said it was alrd closed..
took bus to bishan..
finding gift for my sister's engagement party..
aft dat.. she commented..
"wad will make u juz smile a bit??"
i really duno.. she suggested me to eat ice cream..
yeah.. listened to her suggestion n we went to swensens..
ate sth light.. then here come e desert!!
ate ice cream..
aft dat took bus home..
started to feel better..
back to normal again..
bt dat's only for today..
wad bout tomoro??
can i guarantee dat everything will b like normal???

my life is kinda messy nowadays...
i duno how to put it..
bt.. my close frens know is enough...
let's call it a day..
bye..

movin house...

yeah... it's e fifth time dat i moved house..
lol.. 1st time when i was 4 yrs old in indonesia..
we moved to a bigger house dat can fit my whole family inside..
dat was e best part.. coz i only need to bring myself n my doll to e new house..
i missed dat house.. it was really huge.. n hav a very nice scenery on e 3rd floor..
we normally had bbq every big occasion like xmas eve, new yr celebration, n stuffs..
i'll take a picture of it when i went back there ltr..
bt i duno when is dat goin to happen..
7 yrs ltr, when i was 12, we moved to batam, another part of indonesia..
i remember i didnt help out in anything.. i only carry my own back pack n my real rabbit, yeah.. he could (past tense) jump here n there. he rest in peace 2 yrs ago.
3 yrs later, when i was 15 i move to sgp.. notice dat i use I instead of we??
coz i was e only one move to sgp to further my studies.. dat was still ok..
coz i only brought my own things there.. only clothes, i think..
e rest i dun need to bring.. u can expect me to bring my furniture here, rite??
dat wasnt so bad.. 2 full yrs ltr, which is now..
i'm movin frm sengkang to hougang..
this is so far e worst part.. aft 2 full yrs studying here, i hav bunch of txtbks n stuffs...
especially my reading books.. u know.. e fiction n non-fiction books..
yeah.. damn heavy.. bt my i think lena's has e most heavier books ba..
hahas... she has spent 7 yrs here le...
haha.. k la.. i need to continue to do the-movin-house stuffs liao..
byee... c ya...

weird!!

i duno wad's e problem with e ppl around me..
nowadays they seemed so different!!
either they became moody, or get irritated or angry very easily..
i'm seriuos.. if u really wana me to list them out.. omg..
kor, dun wory.. i'm nt saying u moody.. bt it's my other frens..
i really duno why... am i being over-sensitive??
bt.. u knw wad.. normally my instinct is very reliable..
this yr is damn weird...
nadz.. updated.. liao...

gt a lot of things happening n my life..
dun wish to list them out one by one..
in general.. i lost things.. n also spent a lot of money...
nt only e fee for o level subjects..
a lot spent on other aspects as well..

health deteriorating.. as usual...
both physically n mentally tired..
i really wana spend as much time as i can with my family..
i duno.. i need love.. i need them to shower me with their love..
i barely feel it now.. as we mostly only talk through phone..
i miss them.. so much..
unless i can find sb dat can love me here..
as in.. really love me like my parents do..
although nobody cpould possibly replace both my parents..
bt at least.. there's sb can shower me with the love..

oopps.. i need to b more alert!!

hahas..
sorry, ko!! i shouldnt hav jumped into conclusion like dat..
now i know it's ur charecteristic, will b extra careful e next time..
hahas.. bt i really dun like to see u change ur mood in such a short time..

hmm..
2dae gt back my e math test paper..
when they were all doin e correction, i was sitting down there listen to vivi talking and stare at the white board without moving my pen too much..
u know why?? bcoz i dun hav any correction to make!!
nt becoz i gt full mark.. i failed by 1 1/2 mark.. e reason why i dun hav to make correction is becoz all e mistakes were careless mistakeS!!
careless mistakes never fail to 'visit' me in every of my test paper..
damn it.. u know wad careless mistakes i made??
for writing X rather than Z
for writing e correct ans in my working but different in my conclusion (wad a stupidest mistakes??)
for nt writing the unit
omg!!!
i'm nt only careless in my study..
bt also in my life..
it's sad to b parts of my body, u know..
hahas.. u'll know why if u're very close to me..
trip, fell, cuts, sprained, gastric, infection wad else hav i nt encounter??
hahas.. i need ppl to take care of me.. really..
luckily i hav my frens..
if nt, i duno la..
hahas.. now i know why my parents were very worried of me when i came here 4 e 1st few mnths..
they even asked me to go back once in 2 weeks..
actually i also wan la..
hahas..

i'm goin crazy soon..
i wonder why the booster session with adam khoo workshop is still so long..
i need them now!!!
enough about 2dae.. i hav a pile of hw waiting for me on my desk..

-careless, shoo!!!-